i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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