Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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