hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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