we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
