brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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