Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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