As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
