My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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