this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
