Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
