Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
