maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
