My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
