There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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