This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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