The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
