There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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