I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
