I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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