Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
