If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
