I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
