We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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