i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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