are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
