wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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