there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
