Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
