Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
