In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
