His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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