new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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