I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
