How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
