No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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