i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
