Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
