people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
