Your dad touched me again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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