If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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