Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
