Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
