Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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