Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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