having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
