Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The beer is more important than you right now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
