I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sarcasm needs its own font
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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