How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
