never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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