he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
