Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
