They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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